Random Thoughts with Megan

I have been working on a very serious and very honest post that last few days. I am terrified of this post. Because so much of me will be out in the open. But mainly I am terrified of not saying the right thing. Not being able to give enough gravitas to what I need to say. Needless to say I have rewritten it completely at least seven times.

Lately, I have been missing my college friends. I had so many different groups of friends in college and have been lucky enough to see several of them. But I am really missing the girls that befriended me on my hall freshman year. We stayed close through all four years but I have only seen two of them since we have graduated. This needs to change.

I am starting to gain a little weight. And this really pisses me off. I was doing so good. But let me tell you I have avoided the scale entirely in the past week. I refuse to see numbers I am not okay with. So I will be staying away until I can see my clothes fitting me a little looser.

I’ve been a little grumbly the last couple of days. Not really sure what this is about but I am embracing it. I am always the person who is bubbly and in a good mood. It’s ok for me to have days where I am not my usual chipper self. I think I am just letting lots of little things get to me that I normally would just let roll off my shoulders. Ah well, this too shall pass.

Thursday I couldn’t get Netflix to load House of Cards…which was very traumatizing for me! So instead I went for a four mile run (a light day), I did some ballet, and I took a nice long hot shower. I lathered myself in lotion after because I shaved my legs. And I have to say I felt sexier than I have in a long time. I even wore a dress to work! My mom would be proud…and likely won’t believe this.

In showing off my sexy self Thursday at work, I decided it was going to be a great idea to do a few ballet stretches by stretching my leg to the top of a friend’s cubicle. First off, I’m in a dress so this wasn’t the most lady like thing to begin with. Second of all, thank God not many people were around. And most importantly I instantly pulled a muscle in my butt. It literally took me to the fetal position on the ground. Not the smartest thing I did that day…but likely the funniest. To the very few people who witnessed this…you are welcome.

For some reason lately I have been embracing my naked body. Almost any time I am at home in my room…I’m naked. I figure I have to be comfortable with myself and this is the one thing I thought of that would force me into feeling this way. Nudity. Lots and lots of nudity.

A few nights ago I went out for a drink with my dear friend, Alett. She is one of the first people I met in Dallas. I’ll be blogging about her more coming up soon. But sometimes I forget how nice it is to go out and sit and talk with someone who has no reservations about speaking their mind. Whatever she thinks comes out of her mouth. And I love that. It’s exactly what I need in my life. Brutal honesty. And lots of laughing.

I’ve been thinking about my tattoo situation lately…ya know…since I have to get one by my birthday. And I know I need to start with something small. But there is one tattoo I want that is bigger that I just keep coming back to. It’s of a quote that involves a kaleidoscope. I really love the idea of watercolor tat so I asked my dad very casual like one day about creating a watercolor for me of what you see through a kaleidoscope. Of course he is willing to do it but was very interested in what it was for. I finally fessed up and told him it was for a tattoo idea and he just laughed at me and told me that he wished I would rethink getting a tattoo. Hopefully he doesn’t re-nig on me. I love the idea of having art created by my family on my body.

Yesterday I went out for what was supposed to be a ten mile run. I was doing great for the first 8. I made it to nine and absolutely hit a wall. My body felt odd. I was close to blacking out. I was determined to make ten miles…but I decided to be smart and stop when my body told me too. I’m glad I did. Sometimes its hard to know where my boundaries are. But I can’t put myself in danger while training because I have to run the half marathon in a couple of weeks. There is no room for failure or injuries.

So my life coach made me a few business cards recently. And they are all amazing. She literally took some of my most awesome pictures from facebook and put funny quips next to them with my number. I printed them out and I am pretty excited to hand them out at some point. When she sent them to me I literally cackled for fifteen minutes straight going over them again and again. I love my life sometimes.

Someone this week brought up a conversation about skid marks…so let’s discuss this for a second shall we. I don’t understand how anyone could possibly get skid marks on their panties or man panties. I understand that everyone has to poop. But toilet paper exists to clean that sh!t up. Pun intended. Do some people only wipe once and not as many times as it takes to get clean? I just don’t understand. Do people almost poop their pants holding it in and cause skid marks? I just cannot wrap my mind around why this is a problem. It’s a little disturbing.

Another conversation that I took part in this week was about taping down boobs. As you know, I have very large breasts. I’ve had a nice sized rack since I was born basically. Ha. I have played sports for as long as I can remember as well. In high school is when I really started having a problem. Normal sports bras just don’t hack it for big boobed women. But I never taped them down. I have always double wrapped it. I have always had a sports bra made specifically for large breasted women…but it makes my boobs look a little odd. They shape them strangely. So I wear a regular sports bra on top of my “big girl” sports bra to make them appear to be more normal. It’s super helpful because I can put my phone in between both bras and not have any issues. That is all. I can’t imagine taping them down. They are so big I am not sure what it would accomplish.

There was this one night in college where I drank for the first time ever. I think I was drinking Smirnoff Ice of some sort. And figured out shortly what breaking the seal meant. I was out at a lake and really not sure of my surroundings but I had to pee so bad. I’m not someone who has ever peed outside before so I wasn’t really acquainted with how to squat. So I found pole of some sort and put my hands around it to help me squat. I peed and not on myself. Yay! Since then I like to pee in the shower from time to time to work on my aim in case I ever have to pee outside again. Sometimes I envy men for being able to pee in funner ways than I can.

The day I ran 9 miles…I also did a little ballet and a few basic exercises. I did twenty squats…only twenty squats…and I have felt it so hard in the last two days. The run didn’t hurt my muscles but those stupid twenty squats have killed me. Dumb.

There is this person in my life that I have found myself attracted to lately. I’m not sure what this is about. This person isn’t really my type. Not that I have a type…because I don’t really. But I can’t shake the attraction I have for them. It irritates me slightly because this person has shown zero amount of interest in me and I would like to reciprocate those feelings…but it just ain’t happening. Blarg.

I have a dear friend. He is several years younger than I am but is one of my favorite people in the world. He makes me laugh so freaking hard all of the times. But he also is so caring and listens to my stupid problems. I’m holding out for us to be platonic life partners. He would make an excellent life partner. This isn’t weird…right?

One night at a cast crossover night I got to see my director of Oedipus el Rey again for the first time in a while. This was a conversation we had. It makes me laugh:

Director: Do you know who absolutely loves you, Megan?

Me: Who?

Director: Apparently Hispanic men. (He was referring to my cast)

Me: It’s because I am so extremely pale and have amazing boobs.

Director: …

I am excited to get to work with this director again on my next show. Sherlock Holmes. To prepare I will be reading any and all books I can get my hands on during my month off. I will also be watching any and all Sherlock TV shows and movies. I am stoked to have an awesome March prepping for this show.

I’m ready to have a make-out buddy.

Does anyone remember the fruit snack that was usually a spiral shape of string on white cardboard? It came out around the time as gushers I think. I always want to say they were called Pull n Peels but this is not true. I have been craving these bad boys lately. I have no clue why.

My favorite candy growing up was Shock Tarts. I loved them! I ate them so often that they were no longer sour to me. Mmm…I also loved the big chewy Sweet Tarts. I’m instantly thinking back to my childhood in White Deer, Texas where we would walk or bike across town to the Allsups to buy candy. Wow. That was forever ago.

The weather today is practically perfect in every way.